By Ahmet Xhavit Delvina
Part Three
Memorie.al / I am writing about this event, which I handled as a “conductor,” and which has left me with unforgettable impressions because it is a small fragment of our people’s lives during that dark period of communist rule. It was 1954. I set off for Tirana from Burrel at 4:00 AM. I was a soldier in Unit 7620, serving in the workshop as an auto mechanic. On this occasion, I was delivering a GMC (“James”) military truck, Made in USA, for a major overhaul at the Central Army Workshop. This type of combat vehicle was entirely unsuitable for civilian transport; its design featured an open driver’s cabin with a canvas top, but in this case, the canvas and the windshield were missing due to a previous collision. The body was entirely metallic, with low side panels only 25 cm high, and it was uncovered, without a roof or side supports. It was February, the peak of that brutal winter.
Continued from the previous issue
When I reached the age of 14, I began my relationship with state employment. I always worked carefully, ensuring I never manifested even the slightest dissatisfaction for a single moment; we never compromised our true thoughts in that life or society. Instances of opening one’s heart and revealing true feelings in society were very few and rare. I remember one such case, among the rarest, which left truly indelible marks on my life. I was a soldier in Burrel in 1954, and there I met an honored and respected friend, someone who deserved for me to open my heart to.
He was a “master” at getting you to open up, and he imposed this with great skill, but also with great sincerity thanks to his very sweet way of speaking; he had the nature of a parent, an “old man” of the past. One day at the unit, after some conversation, he said to me: “Listen Xhavit, when we are discharged from the army and meet in Tirana, I want to have a conversation with you, or rather, makes a very useful proposal. I think it is a bit late for you and me, but ‘alla Qerim’ (better late than never). To me,” he said, “you are a rare friend in terms of wisdom, character, and every other good quality, so I want to share my future with you.”
I took it with a laugh and told him I agreed to have the conversation once we were discharged. That day eventually came, and we naturally met in Tirana, as he also lived here. This dear friend was named Hiqmet Shena! We sat in a café, and he said to me: “Look Xhavit, it’s foolish for me to explain to you the rotten life we are living here in this communist hell called Albania. Therefore, I have thought that we should both escape together to the United States of America – the land of world democracy. There we will work and, at the same time, go to school to gain the education that has been denied to us.
I have my people there, but I have also inquired about you and learned that you have relatives there with the same surname. In fact, back then, they were involved in a perfectly regular and honest history, which causes you many troubles today; therefore, they should feel an obligation toward you. Thus, we too will become someone there – meaning, more valuable for our Albania – and we will try to get as close as possible to our parents in terms of the contribution they gave to this country.”
I then asked him: “How have you planned the escape?”
He answered quite unconcerned and without any doubt: “I take responsibility for this problem and the success of this joint venture, without the slightest worry.”
“But how will you do it?” I asked.
“I have every opportunity for us to get employed in the Geological enterprises system as drivers or mobile mechanics. They usually have expeditions along the borders. So, after a certain period of work, we will study every detail related to this matter – the border areas where we intend to cross. Thus, the ‘escape’ process is more than secure because we will be effective residents of those areas. I also plan for us to start work in the expedition operating in the Qafë-Thanë region.”
“Dr. Hiqmet,” I told him, “do you know that Communist Albania has very good and healthy relations with Yugoslavia? The breaking of previous relations or the exchange of mutual insults is just ‘for-show’ tactics that benefit both sides. This observation of mine is certain because my uncle, Esat Dishnica – whom you know – told me so. However, it is not up to us to discuss these things or enter deeply into this debate; they even have a treaty to exchange defectors from both sides, according to mutual interests.
This treaty works perfectly. The victims vary, from our side and theirs, especially the Kosovars. Those poor souls make every sacrifice to escape Serbian oppression and come to the motherland, but we return them, because those we keep, we take based on proposals to turn them into agents against the Kosovars themselves. This is the ‘historical contribution’ of Albanians for the Kosovars.”
Hiqmet immediately intervened: “Listen Xhavit, what you say is undeniably true, but you should know that what you’re telling me is not new. I know it much deeper than you think; I even know things you don’t. I don’t want to show off, but I’m telling you seriously, believe me – if you are with me, this ‘trade’ (the exchange of prisoners) will not happen to us, be absolutely sure. As soon as I jump to the other side, I will make immediate contact with my people in the USA who are influential and known as anti-communists, because they still fight there today against these ‘shitholes’ here. I know how to solve this problem; please believe me absolutely, and they will come there and take us immediately – don’t ask me anymore.”
“Then,” I said, “Why don’t you choose the Greek border? I think the escape is safer there because, after all, they are not communists like the Yugoslavs!”
“Look,” he said, “the ‘Dogs of Tirana’ (the government) are very refined in these matters. People like us who want to be employed in Geology enterprises near the Greek border are analyzed very deeply because the probability of exchange with them is almost impossible. Consequently, they will never approve us to work there. So please, let’s not make trouble for ourselves.”
After listening to him, I told him: “Look Hiqmet, I cannot come because I have a very sick father, demoralized by communist mistreatment and who finds it almost impossible to adapt to today’s life. I have a brother who is excessively devoted to his studies and works in the remote villages of Albania, not participating in family troubles at all because he can do nothing besides books. I have a little sister who needs special care because she is a girl and not yet grown, and a mother who works both for the state and at home, solving all family problems only through me. Thus, I have no right to build a happy life for myself at the expense of those four, because there is no doubt that internment awaits them – and what will become of them then?
I just told you that I am their main support. The strength of the communists lies precisely in the terror they exercise in these cases. Do you hear me, my friend? Brother Hiqmet Shena, do you see why I am opposing your proposal?! Listen to me without anger, Hiqmet, because this is how I judge these things; my soul will never find peace if I learn of the terrible consequences my family will suffer because of my actions. Personal happiness is not built on the backs of your family members!
I withdraw; there’s nothing to be done. It is the filthiest system in the world that stops you from thinking of something better for yourself and your family. Look, I might be wrong; perhaps I see these things with excessive sentimentality, but there’s nothing to be done – this is how I have been kneaded since birth. I cannot leave them and run away; this is my final word.”
He replied: “Forgive me Xhavit, it was my mistake to bring this problem to you. This happened because I overestimated you, but I say with regret that I see uncorrectable flaws in you; I feel very sorry for you.” He immediately stood up from the table, paid the bill, gave me a nod of greeting, and left very formally. After a few days, I met him on the street; we greeted each other and talked about many things, but he never asked me again if I had changed my mind. He only told me: “They have given me a 1.5-ton ‘Lublin’ truck at the Qafë-Thanë expedition, and I will be leaving for work in Pogradec these days.”
“I wish you luck and goodbye,” I told him directly, “in ‘Free Albania or in that other world which I believe will be quieter than here.” We embraced so tightly that he teared up, and again, he did not mention my refusal to escape. He was a very proud man and was not used to such a serious and well-thought-out proposal going to waste. We parted, never to see each other again.
Soon after, I learned that Hiqmet Shena had escaped from Qafë-Thanë to Yugoslavia and from there had flown to the USA – meaning, what he promised, he kept and realized. However, even today after all these years, I judge that I did not make a mistake with my action back then. I would have definitively destroyed a family that was already nearly ruined, and my soul would never have found peace knowing I was the cause of the elimination of three other family members in prisons, internments, or labor camps.
I want to close these memories, which are as sweet as they are bitter for our family. Yet, I always remember those times with nostalgia – times filled with both pain and occasional joy. I wonder how it was possible for us to continuously find the spiritual strength to hope for a better future. Perhaps that is what kept us alive, but we were certain that although our generation was burned, our children would one day live a happy life. This was the world’s experience.
One thing I want to mention with great pride: our category of people was known by the communist “scoundrels” because they followed us every step of our lives. But they could not understand where and how we found that spiritual or physical strength to be the most capable in everything, the most orderly, the hardest workers, and to maintain a calm and peaceful appearance. They burst with envy when they saw these differences between themselves and their children versus our children and us. They were terrified by the thought that the future might belong to us – the former reactionaries whom they could not entirely eliminate.
Despite all the troubles we went through – both “us” and “them” – we proved ourselves during that period of history, which I hope will one day be written realistically. We also knew very well that a people emerging from a totalitarian and tyrannical regime, having lived for over half a century subdued and under constant pressure – especially when all kinds of violence were exercised upon them and they had reached a state of passively accepting everything bad – this generation could not have a correct cultural and democratic development, or a civic development capable of self-governing in a free society.
This changed life will belong only to our children, not us. Our children will surely enter the flow of a United Europe, led by the European Union under the guardianship of the homeland of world democracy, the USA. Only in this way can the traces of evil be uprooted – traces inherited in the image of the cursed “New Man” prepared by the monster Enver Hoxha. In this, I believe our family friend, the Italian Alberto Carlini from Tolentino, will also be convinced. He says, certainly with humor or when demoralized by some negative action of an Albanian: “Albania will be made only when there are no more Albanians here.”
Joining United Europe will be delayed for us Albanians because, eventually, it is hindered today in the most sophisticated forms, linked to the primitive national egos of some neighboring states, bringing into play the socialist left, social democrats, etc. These parties want to metabolize the former communist and neo-communist movements – or rather, the post-communist movements – which were compromised to the throat with communist totalitarian regimes and have today, moderated their stances. Therefore, one must be careful that these people learn their lesson and guard against allowing their return to power; they possess such negations that they make the same unfortunate people again because they have significant democratic deficiencies.
The new social role of the individual in the New Europe constitutes a primary objective of the European People’s Party, to which the most prestigious parties such as the Christian Democrats, Conservatives, Liberals, etc., adhere. All these experiences are offered to protect especially those countries that tend to support leftist policies, already known for their sterility. The program of the European People’s Party is titled: “A Union of Values.” We hope to live a little longer, if our long-suffering generation can, to see these good things. / Memorie.al
