From Petrika GROSI
Memorie.al / “In our areas, the wedding also starts on Thursday, when the doors of the houses are opened and guests are welcomed with music and sweetness (most go to the bride, because that’s where they have fun; the groom is wearing one suit, he hasn’t changed much). Anyway, with us, they don’t dress the groom as a groom until the day he goes to get the bride…”, says one of the participants in the forum where the topic was discussed, continuing to explain that; “then Friday is the day when the dowry is sent to the groom’s house, or the bride’s future house…! The women come and see what they’re sending and the women from the groom’s side see what the bride has brought (because of course, if our neighbor doesn’t see our underwear, there’s no way!). Many families have their own small traditions, which are passed down from generation to generation. In all the Tirana weddings I’ve seen, I remember that in every dowry suitcase, the bride would throw some candies, a little rice, and two flower buds, as if to show a new and sweet beginning.”
Saturday, for the people of Tirana, is called; “the bride’s day”. This is not without reason, but because on that day the bride celebrates the end of her single life and has a dinner without the groom, as the last time she “is free”. According to custom, the dinner starts around 8:00 PM and back then it was held in one of the largest courtyards of the neighborhood, while nowadays, it is held as desired, in various restaurants because it is more practical and the tradition has somewhat lost its thread.
The wedding party (the groom’s side) only comes to the dinner after midnight and they are a small family circle of the groom, but as we said, they are not accompanied by the groom. They do not stay for more than an hour and are required by custom to perform a traditional dance in honor of the family…!
On Sunday, the bride prepares to leave her mother’s house and usually around 11:00 AM, the groom comes with his maternal uncle and a small child, a relative of theirs, who gives flowers to the bride while she must give him a gift in return. Then they get into the decorated car (once a white mare) and together with their companions, they head towards the groom’s house, where the wedding, of course, takes place in its full splendor. When the groom enters the room, he meets everyone and the bride’s brother, or if the bride has no brother, a cousin of hers, comes out in front of him, who then gives the boy a slap.
“Everyone shouts; ‘hit him, hit him hard,’ but we don’t hit him, because we’re afraid the finger marks will show up and ruin the wedding photos,” says Albani. All of this is done to show the groom that there is someone here for this girl and he must behave carefully towards her, respect her, and not desecrate her as he pleases…!”
It is a tradition that one of the groom’s wedding party must be agile and more skilled than the people of the bride’s house, to steal any object or item before they go outside and then give it to the owner of the house, saying; “we are more skilled. We fooled you…!”
Just imagine an atmosphere with music, congratulations, walking, and being careful at the same time, to make sure no custom is broken, just as the festive atmosphere and humor, which lights up the party, must be created. And amidst all of this, imagine the wedding party guarding the other side, so they don’t steal anything, even though there’s always a skilled one among the “thieves”, due to all the mess created.
The bride?! It is delightful for her to cry a little…! As the bride is crossing the threshold of the house, they pour raki at her feet…! This has remained as a custom, to keep away evil spirits and the evil eye. But a bride without tears, in Tirana, wasn’t delightful, so it was like a “fashion” for brides to pretend to cry a little (without wanting to do injustice to those who cried for real…).
But from the conversations held in the forums from which we selected the material for today’s wedding, someone, among other things, said: “We say that a bride without tears is not delightful, but I have seen some, who as soon as they leave, they start with ‘oiii’ and mourn as if they are being shot! They act as if they are being married by force, and as if they didn’t want a husband…!”
Then, as soon as the bride goes outside, she starts to dance with neighbors and relatives in front of the building and house, where the music and festive atmosphere do not stop for a moment. After this, the decorated bride is put in the car, on which a prayer rug has also been placed.
Meanwhile, the bride must throw an egg backward, the motive of which, for the moment, we have not yet found the symbolic meaning. After this, the cars start a caravan, honking their horns and taking a ride in the city. All of them go, however, to a beautiful place, like the Botanical Garden, where the wedding guests also take photos to have as a memory.
The bride with her mother-in-law?
As the bride and the wedding party approach the house, they see the mother-in-law coming out and waiting at the door with a piece of lokum, half of which she eats herself and gives half to the bride, as well as with a plate of honey, in which the bride dips two fingers and wipes them on the door threshold.
After this ceremonial detail is also finished, custom requires the bride to go inside and, poor thing, stand for several hours with her head down, without looking anyone in the eye or face, greeting everyone, and saying only “Thank you”, as they wish her to inherit and have a happy life.
After this, they take the bride and put her in her room, where they show her how they have furnished it. If the bride doesn’t like it, this is seen very quickly, as the arguments with the mother-in-law over the positioning of the beds, armchairs, and tables, will be inevitable and increasingly frequent…!
When the bride enters her room she goes to the bed, where a small relative of the husband comes to her, whom she must definitely give a gift to. At that moment, the groom enters the room, who takes off the bride’s shoe and begins to fill it with gold coins (pity the one who gets a bride with shoe size 42!).
TIRANA SUPERSTITIONS, FROM DEATH TO… VAMPIRES!
The funeral rite in the Tirana district, described by several informants in the years 1970-’74, is documented in the numerous manuscripts of the Ethnography Archive at the Institute of Popular Culture. The researcher Bledar Kondi, attached to this Institute, has agreed to help us by showing something more specific, about the traditions of the region of Central Albania and Tirana in particular;
The signs of pre-death: Old Tirana residents believe that when a sick person talks to themselves, it is said that they are talking to the dead, the dead are calling them. Likewise, when they stare at a single point, it is a sure sign of death. For those in agony, imams would sing chapters from the Quran and write amulets for them.
The person who was passing away would leave “last wishes” and “hallashtisej” (forgiveness of all guilt). The people believe that in death, the soul separates from the body and therefore for the deceased it is said that they “gave their soul”, “forgave their soul”, “their soul left”, “their soul released them”.
Death: The doors and windows are kept closed at the moment the soul leaves. As a rule, the hoxha would wash the men, while the baxhia would wash the women. The deceased is placed facing the Qibla, i.e., between the South and the East. The hands are stretched along the body. The residents of the villages used bahur (white grass) and roses as an aromatic for the deceased.
During the night, the deceased is “listened to” so that “evil spirits do not take them”. As a rule, the face of the deceased was covered and was not exposed to the people who came to “express condolences”. The women tie a white scarf around their neck and another scarf around their head. Tying one scarf around the neck and the other crossed around the head is a symbol of mourning.
During the day, the deceased is placed in the women’s room, where they are mourned and wailed over “with katrime” (with tears and words). It was once a custom to also pay wailers. For serious deaths, the expression “me e qa me llahinka” exists, which means to wail with “llahinka”, Orthodox Vlach women, who were paid to wail in Muslim city families.
In Central Albania, it was believed that the body of the deceased should not be touched, because it felt such great pain, that “its voice would reach Allah’s ear”. In cases where a person died far from home and their body could not be found or brought back, then the deceased’s clothes and weapons were exposed in his house, and people would gather and mourn around them.
People are buried according to the time they die and the arrival of people. As soon as the deceased was taken out of the house to be escorted to the cemetery, all the filled vessels in the house were emptied. The father of the deceased was not allowed to come to the cemetery. The length of the grave was measured with a vine shoot, which, after the burial, was broken into two parts and placed at the head and feet of the grave.
After the hoxha calls the deceased by his mother’s name, it is believed that the deceased gets up on his elbows inside the coffin, and says: “Oh, this world! I’ve died!” Two stakes marked the grave of the Tirana Muslim, during the last centuries. The scarf on the neck of one of the stakes symbolized the head of the deceased. Until the 19th century, the date of birth and date of death were written in Arabic and only during the 20th century did the inscription in Albanian begin to be used.
Until the 1960s, the graves of Muslims and Christians were separate, but then the differences were smoothed out. At the cemetery, “halva e rahmetit” (symbol of the funeral dessert) was distributed, which was necessarily prepared by a widow, only for the middle-aged and elderly, but during the socialist regime, it was replaced by lokum (symbol of the wedding dessert and joyful events).
Before, at the cemeteries, for the rich and middle-class deceased, sacrifices were made and the meat was distributed to the poor. The deceased can be buried in the morning, afternoon, or late in the evening. The washing of the face and hands at the cemetery must be done, in order not to bring death into the house. After that, the table of death would also be set.
The linens that are kept for the day of death are called “plaçka e vdekës” (death’s things). Three days after the person’s death, the family members would give the deceased’s underwear to poor people. Although the hoxhas forbade the wearing of black for Muslim women during the mourning period, the Tirana community has never approved the breaking of mourning, without the “mot-motat e të vdekurit” (the years of the deceased) having passed.
THE DHAMPIR AND THE LUGATI OF SELITA
Count Dracula, from whom the legend of the vampire was born (calling him their father), is out of the game for the people of Tirana…! The concept of this region about the vampire and his history is completely different… Like all Albanians, the people of Tirana also believe that the soul of a bad man returns to the body and becomes a lugat (a revenant/ghost).
After death, the lugat can have relations with his living wife and from this, the “dhampir” is born. A legend exists in the suburbs of Tirana: “…A lugat with a name and who was terrible, as they said in the last century (19th) in the Tirana District, was the Lugati of Selita.
The families to whom the lugat belonged would sing and write amulets for him with the hoxhas and sheh, they would burn the grave with lime, etc. “The dhampir knows the lugat, as a son knows his father.” It is said that the dhampir practiced the profession of “nallban” (to shoe, as it is believed, perhaps even the hooves of the devils who roamed around). / Memorie.al
