By Mark Ndoja
Part Two
Memorie.al / This epistolary book by the writer Mark Ndoja contains letters from the political punishment camp on the island of Zvërnec (1965–1968) and the prisons of Tirana, Zadrima, and Burrel (1956–1960). It includes 102 letters sent to his wife, Milena – often written in the form of choral epithalamiums – as well as letters to family members from Zvërnec and 27 letters from the prisons of Burrel, Zadrima, Shkodra, etc. The book features a foreword by the Zvërnec camp doctor, Dr. Safet Kelliçi, who visited Mark 15 times on the island during 1966 and engaged him in literary discussions in the form of illegal lectures. This husband-wife correspondence under prison conditions is unique; despite being monitored by the State Security (Sigurimi), the protagonists recreate time and events through an elegiac chronotope of Promethean suffering, evoking the Scythian mountains of Aeschylus.
To be continued in the next issue.
March 17, 1965
Dearest Milena,
I received your letter of February 28th. Why did you mistakenly write March 28th? Are you so distracted by sorrow? I won’t write at length, as I hope you will soon be by my side so we can satisfy our longing for one another, as you say in your affectionate letter. Regarding the children, be mindful of their education; this is my primary instruction to you. For the rest, I know you do your utmost, even beyond your strength, and for that, you are an admirable woman. I deeply value your work and the sacrifices of your young life for your husband and children. If you receive this letter before you come, bring me two No. 2 pencils of the kind I use and a white eraser.
I await you with joy. I believe you should come only with Luli for now, as you mentioned in a previous letter.
I am very sorry that you feared so much for my health. No, Milena, no! I never lie to you! You know that my excessive sincerity is what has always brought me trouble. Thus, I am completely cured and currently find myself healthy and well—”as healthy as an apple,” as my fellow highlanders (Gegs) say. Regarding medicine, it would be good to bring some piperazine for intestinal worms. We shall discuss the rest in person when you come to see me.
Encourage and scold Marinta; tell her not to sob. You yourself must set the example. I know there are sensitive natures in this world, but education can do much to temper them gradually, until they are capable of enduring and overcoming every pain with courage and stoicism.
In this last letter of yours, I feel a sense of exhaustion and boredom, a longing and a breath of fiery love. Very well, Mili! It seems you are returning once more to that age when I used to call you by the name: Mili! Oh, what beautiful memories, dear Milena! What unforgettable images that only you and I know!
With that, may you arrive safely; do not be angry that I did not write at length as you requested! Kiss Leka 100 times for me. Greetings to everyone, and for you, hugs and kisses from afar from your unforgettable husband,
Mark.
To my dearest boy, the best Leka Ndoja!
Why, Leka, have you not written me a letter? But you are small and do not know how to write! You turned 3 years old. May you live 100 years as your heart desires, with flowers and joy. Leka, love your brother and sister, your mommy and grandmother, your grandfather and Aunt Mela very much. Give them my greetings and kiss them on the cheek, just as only you know how.
I love you so much; you are my best boy. I think of you day and night. When I go to sleep, I open my arms and hold you to my chest, and thus I sleep with beautiful dreams. Daddy will come back again, Leka, and we will live happily together for a long time. Kiss your sister (Dada) 100 times on the cheek and love her very much! She holds you and entertains you. Never forget the effort and love she has for you.
Kisses to your little eyes and your neck from your daddy,
Mark Ndoja.
March 31, 1965
Dear Milena,
I believe you are now convinced and at peace, having seen with your own eyes that I am healthy and well. Write to me as soon as possible and tell me how you and Luli returned, and how you found Marinta and Leka, whom I miss very much. Write to me also about your parents—how their health and affairs are. Give my regards to them and to your sister, Ermela. It is not at all true that I do not remember them; I consider them my closest kin. If it were otherwise, I would not love you either; but you, better than anyone, know my character, my virtues, and my vices, both good and bad, and therefore you understand well why I appeared cold toward them in previous letters. I believe they, too, have known me well for a long time.
Milena! That medicine you mentioned bringing for washing the sheets—I am looking for it but cannot find it among the things you brought. Where did you place it? Thank you very much, my dear, for everything you are doing for me, but at the same time, I am forced to warn you about being too generous with your spending on me! I trust that from now on, you will act as I instructed you verbally. My needs here are not as great as you might think. Food and a portion of tobacco are in order. So, tighten your purse strings and do not devastate your poor family budget any further; you have yourself and three children to care for, who need food and clothing. How will you suffer through this wretched life, the four of you, on a salary of 6,000 lek, when it doesn’t even come to 2,000 lek per person a month? Please, do not send me anything without consulting me first via letter.
Take care of your health and that of the children; look after the education of our beloved children, the memory of our unforgettable love. You saw and heard me yourself; I am the same toward you as I have always been. But know that the despairs I have caused you were not intentional; rather, my impulsive and sometimes harsh character, under certain circumstances, pushed me into mistakes that you might never be able to forgive. Regardless, you know me, and it is in vain that I try to explain with words things that are understood by the soul much more easily than with words between two people as close as husband and wife.
I wish you good health and joy in these beautiful spring days. I live with your unforgettable memory—memories of our meeting, our love, and our marriage; memories of every moment of our marital life, up to the memory of our last meeting here, where you came to see me as the unforgettable faithful of my heart.
Hugs and kisses to your eyes,
Always yours,
Mark.
P.S. The first time you send a package, do not forget a pair of wooden clogs with rubber on the heels, a pair of shoelaces, and some boxes of Algin, Phenascon, or Aspirin…
Mark.
April 14, 1965
Dearest Milena,
I wrote to you on March 31st after your visit here, but I have yet to receive a reply. To tell the truth, I am more bored and worried than I was before you came to see me. Who knows? Perhaps our unforgettable and loving meeting has awakened the old longing of our former love, which could not endure being apart for a week or a month—not even a single day, which felt like an unbearable year. Who knows? Perhaps in old age, the old moments of past life awaken to keep our imagination and feelings alive when beautiful youth has set.
Write to me as soon as possible and at length, Milena, about how you returned, how the children are, your health, our troubles, etc. I am generally well here. These days I’ve had a flu that hasn’t fully let go. Fortunately, I got through it on my feet, thanks to your help with those penicillin tablets you brought. It troubled me a bit because I had a nosebleed. It seems it would have been a severe flu had it not been confronted immediately with the penicillin.
I want to know how Luli and Marinta did with their second quarterly reports. And how is little Leka? Does he remember me? How is your own health? Are you too exhausted from work at school? How do you spend your time at home? Do the children bother you? Write to me also about your parents and whether they have found a house yet. I found the laundry powder among the things you brought. In the other letter, I wrote that I couldn’t find it, but I was disoriented by the envelope, which looked like a talcum envelope until I read the label you attached.
Spring is coming slowly here, unlike almost any other time I’ve seen. Has the mild season arrived there? We only saw the first swallow here yesterday. The wind blows often—frequently a strong southern wind, dry and bad for the vegetation. It surely brings sickness to animals and people alike. I assume it must be beautiful in Tirana now. Do you read any books at home? When it is time to send a package, do not forget to send me Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s “The Social Contract,” which I have in Italian among my books. Look for it, find it, and send it to me – not in a rush, but when you can later.
For now, I am occupied with translating Dante’s “Divine Comedy.” These days I began Canto IX of Purgatorio. The work is going quite well, though Purgatorio seems more difficult to translate into Albanian than Inferno. I can only imagine how much harder Paradiso will be. Why? Because Dante’s poetry in these two parts becomes more philosophical, more abstract, and more difficult in terms of artistic form and language in general. Nevertheless, as you well know, I will put all my strength into worthily translating this titan of human thought and art, to give it to future generations in an Albanian language that is as understandable and beautiful as possible. This was and remains my eternal desire! Whether it will be realized, the future will tell. I have confidence in the translation thus far. I continue with this faith and desire. What do you say—isn’t it a beautiful dream to provide a beautiful translation of Dante Alighieri in our language? I believe I will succeed. I don’t care much for what the world says of my literary abilities, for Dante himself said: “Segui il tuo corso e lascia dir le genti,” which in Albanian sounds like: “Continue your path and let the world talk!” Now that I have plenty of time to deal with this heavy labor, I believe even more in the success of the translation, for such a work requires long labor and reworking; it requires the luxury of time at one’s disposal, which I currently have.
Forgive me if I have bored you with these literary dreams of mine, but you are used to them, and you have no reason to take it ill. I know you worry for me, for yourself, and for the children, as we pass through heavy difficulties. You are right, Milena, but what can we do! Fate has turned the wheel of our lives this way! Do not be saddened, and endure the evil that has befallen us like a brave woman (burrneshë). I am enduring it, but I am saddened when I think of myself as guilty toward you and our poor, innocent children who suffer. But I know you won’t leave them wanting for anything. When I think of this, I find peace; I think of you, I love you even more than ever before, and I await the day to see you and speak closely about our past, present, and future love, which I firmly believe will not separate us from one another until death.
Kiss Luli, Marinta, and Leka 100 times for me. Give my regards to your father, mother, and sister, and assure them that I never forget them.
Await my greetings and fiery hugs!
Always yours,
Mark.
April 14, 1965
Dearest Marinta,
I hope that by now you are healed and in good health. You must be very careful not to hurt your legs while playing, for wounds are always dangerous. I have been waiting a long time for a long letter from you. I want you to tell me how you are doing with your lessons, how you behave with your teacher and your friends, how you behave with mommy at home, and how you get along with Luli—do you still argue as before? And how do you deal with little Leka? Is he a good boy? Does he ask for your help when others pick on him? Look, Marinta, I have left Leka in your care, and I ask that you look after him in a special way, for you are the best sister (dada) to little Leka, the best boy.
When you write me a long letter, I too will answer with a long letter.
Greetings, hugs, and kisses to your eyes,
Your unforgettable daddy,
Mark.
April 28, 1965
Dear Milena,
I received your letter of April 11th in good time; likewise, three days ago, I received the other letter dated the 18th. Thank you very much for your frequent and very dear letters. My health is quite good. I wasn’t even this well in Tirana last spring. My soul rejoices when I learn from your letters that you enjoy full health, but whenever a letter is delayed, I begin to worry and grow bored. This is how the psychology of one who is far from his family works, even more so when one is far away and deprived of liberty. But your letters seem to bring the whole family before my eyes; I see you and the children through the lines of your letters, which arrive like joyful swallows bringing song and spring to people’s hearts. Spring was very late this year, Milena. There was an almost wintry cold here even these days; I believe this cold reached you as well, for I saw in the newspaper that a cold current hit all of Europe. With what you write about Leka, you bring me great joy, which for me is more moving than the greenery and melodies of spring. You know very well how much I love him; I firmly believe you love him just as much. Yes, you are luckier than I, for you have him near you day and night; you find joy and satisfy your longing with him, while I, wretched, remain far from the joy of watching the children grow in their tenderest and most joyful age.
Dear Milena! I see from your letters that Luli has dropped in his school performance: he has dropped significantly! That Luli, who was often on the honor roll, now has a grade of 6. I am very preoccupied with this. Look, Milena, is the boy taking a bad path? I am alarmed by this! These are no longer random occurrences! He is slowly becoming unraveled until he ends up like your brothers regarding the desire to study. Look and think – you must tighten the reins and control him; do not leave any path open for the boy to degenerate into a lazy type, into a type who slowly now, at the age of puberty, can easily end up as a street-wanderer.
Speak to him and convince him with reasoning; take his word of honor for every task you set; control him and punish him with the strictness of a mother and a teacher, in the most logical and psychological way possible. Never make sentimental concessions, as you mothers are wont to do. Why do you allow him to watch international football matches when he has received another 6 in Russian, for which you warned him here during our meeting? Let him earn such rewards; otherwise, he gets nothing. He must learn that every reward in this life is earned through work, not through mercy or flattery toward parents and elders. Do not fall into your mother’s (mamagjyshja) habits, for she understands nothing of child education – not because she is a bad person, but because she is too soft and sentimental toward the little ones.
As for Marinta, I am satisfied. She progresses as much as she can; she is a quiet and obedient type, whereas Luli is a closed and stubborn type with whom one must work with great tact and logical strictness, and if necessary, with pressure regarding his duties. He is clever, but his mind has certain tendencies that even now I do not like. You have known my opinion for a long time, but you have always called my stances too strict, even harsh. Well, as soon as I was absent from the house, he dropped in his studies lower than ever before. This must draw your attention and make you vigilant against him. He is over 13, and until he is 17, his every step must be tracked; every slip must be reprimanded and corrected immediately and without sentimental mercy, which is a sick and pedagogically destructive feeling.
I have tired and bored you enough, my dear, with this matter, but do not take it ill, my soul, for we both have great duties toward the life and future of our son. How are you spiritually? Did you start worrying for me so soon, after you came and saw me and were calmed for a moment? It is your turn to come at the end of May, certainly, but are you capable of taking this step financially? Think for yourself! For me, this would be an indescribable joy. I believe you know this well. But when I think of your economic difficulties, my heart does not have the strength to tell you what to do. Regardless, think and decide for yourself. I am overjoyed by your love for me, which has always been fiery and remains so.
Always yours, embracing and kissing you from afar. / Memorie.al
Mark.
